This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
