just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize