just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
