she looked like the before picture.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
