Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
