Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
