Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
