ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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