Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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