My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
