A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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