I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize