I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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