Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize