He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
