I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
