His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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