SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
