i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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