dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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