ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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