I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
