As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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