Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
