Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
