Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
