okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Mom said you looked used
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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