I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize