just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
