do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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