Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
