Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
its liver damage thursday
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
