I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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