dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
