life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
