Small penises have feelings too.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
