Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
