there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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