do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
