They should really pass out barf bags in church
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Oh god it's open bar.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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