I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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