Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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