Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
