saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
