tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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