i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
