Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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