This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize