areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
