I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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