I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
