My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize