last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
