meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
