Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
