my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
