Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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