his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
