oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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