My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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