I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
