No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
