Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
