shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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