I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
