I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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