Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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