I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
