With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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