you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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