I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
