The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
