i already hear my dad disowning me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
