Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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