Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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