I hate all girls vehemently.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
