dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
