I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
