well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
