Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
