I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
